Former Prime Minister and Labour leader Tony Blair has warned the public that they should not vote for David Cameron as he has weapons of mass destruction, that he can mobilise within 45 minutes.
Addressing a heaving press conference Mr Blair said “Britain will take a lurch to the right under a conservative only Government. But obviously I don’t have a problem with that. Labour was a left wing party before I took over it. But they’ve also got weapons of mass destruction. And I’m very good at spotting such things. That’ll be a million pounds please.
“I can tell using only the power of my mind whether people have weapons of mass destruction. For example look at that man over there. The one walking the dog. I bet he’s got weapons of mass destruction. That’ll be a million pounds.”
The former Premier also warned the electorate against protest votes such as the greens or UKIP voicing concernes that they themselves might have weapons of mass destruction. “If they have then I would imagine that they can probably mobilise them within 45 minutes, and that’ll be a million pounds.” He explained.
Mr Blair also warned present Labour Leader Ed Miliband from distancing himself from New Labour policies, particularly the one about not starting crusades based on hunches about weapons of mass destruction.
“It’s not just humans. Look out for cats Ed. Cats have weapons of mass destruction. And rabbits. Unfortunately I’m unable to offer you any discount on this advice. ” He warned.
“Only history can judge me. Not recent history though. Recent history thinks I’m a cunt.”
