David Cameron has been declared ‘fit for work’ and may lose his £142,500 per annum benefits according to disability denying random benefit allocators Atos. The decision may come as a blow for one of Britain’s highest paid benefit claimants who may struggle to match his income through conventional employment.
An insider told us “Look, he’s far too posh to work anyway and in a civilised society we should respect that. He also has a phobia that if he sets foot in a factory without body guards someone is going to shove a broom up his arse. And that’s a disability so Atos have really fucked up on this one.”
David Cameron has confirmed that he will be appealing against the decision. “Look for the last time, I do actually work for these benefits. Being pompous, pretending to understand the common man and then making him subsidise my banker friends for their criminal mistakes, well that’s work. It really is.”
In an unusual display of cross party agreement Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband has come out in full support of Mr Cameron. “He’s clearly quite mad and to be fair he does genuinely think he’s working. And I know how he feels. I once had a holiday job in a factory and people were always shoving brooms up my arse.”
