Men who wear red trousers are rapidly increasing in numbers and infiltrating all levels of society according to reports released this week. BRTs as they are commonly known have historically inhabited seaside towns with a relatively low concentration of one per spare mile as due to their individualist nature they have tended to avoid their own kind. A population explosion coupled with the warmer than average summer have both been cited as reasons that many appear to be migrating inland.
One Croydon resident told us that it was difficult even to go out to post a letter now without seeing one “I’m not trouser prejudiced but if you ask me, political correctness has gone too far. I bet whoever invented political correctness never had to live next door to one of them. They might not actually be ‘dangerous’ but you know that something’s not right, you wouldn’t ask them to look after your pets when you went on holiday, and if we’re being honest with ourselves, who amongst us hasn’t got off a train at an earlier stop having found themselves sharing a carriage with one of them.”
This it seems, is not an isolated view. Speaking on the Andrew Marr show this morning, a spokesman for the newly formed Normal Trouser Defence League explained “They’ve taken advantage of the recent influx of badgers, asylum seekers and benefits claimants in order to go unnoticed and breed unabated. They’ve also been forming secret groups on social networking sites where they justify their choice of trousers to each other. We need to go back to the 1950s when there was National Service and everything was in black and white. That’ll put a stop to them.”
Labour leader Ed Miliband denied that there was an epidemic and ruled out any direct action should he become Prime Minister”The whole things a farce, It’s a sensationalist story made up by the Daily Mail in order to sell more papers. There’s no more people with red trousers now than there were 10 or 15 years ago.”
