David Cameron has pledged to reduce the deficit at all costs even if it means hunting it down on horses with a huge pack of beagles.
“We’ll have Christmas day off” he explained “and then on Boxing Day we’ll assemble en masse for a cheeky glass of sherry before riding around the countryside blowing horns until we catch the deficit and have it ripped to pieces by dogs.”
“We’ll have to repeal the fox hunting ban of course, otherwise we’ll have to explain what we’re doing to every Tom, Dick and Harry every five minutes and the sneaky deficit will get away. Obviously if any foxes get hunted in the process it will be a purely accidental result of them standing in front of the deficit.
“The Guardian readers won’t like it, and the veggie lot will probably try to have us up for cruelty to deficits. But they’ll come round when they realise with no deficit we don’t have to make all those cuts to welfare. Obviously we’re the Conservative party so we’ll still make them, it’s just that we won’t have to.”
In other news Labour leader Ed Miliband has pledged to reduce the deficit through harnessing the power of love.
