Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has told Labour Party MPs that they must become a right wing party and promise to start a few wars in order to be successful in this year’s general election.
“Labour need to go far more towards the right. In fact more right than the conservative party. That’ll confuse them. And then they need to regulate the press further, take control of the Guardian by force and turn it into an ultra-Daily Mail style new labour recruitment pamphlet.
“Ed Miliband needs to be facially reconstructed through cosmetic surgery to look like me. That might take a while and obviously I would be happy to hold the fort until then. In fact I could stay on for a while and maybe become a life president or figurehead like the supreme leader of Iran. Or Robert Mugabe.”
Indeed a right wing beneficially autocratic New Labour party Government might be ideally named “We could have New Labour camps for people that don’t quite get the message” he chuckled.
However Mr Blair has laughed off wildly and manically claims that his constant war drive is at any way in odds with his Christian religion.”Ultimately God will judge me. I don’t think he’s too concerned about the thou shalt not kill bit. I’ve always seen that as a filler. God is happy as long as you honour your neighbours asp.” he explained.
“We could start by invading Scotland. All this talk about 45s is making me nervous” he added.
Labour party leader Ed Miliband told us off the record “He’s never going to fuck off , is he?”
